06/11/09

Back from watching Yutaka Sado conduct the LPO's performance of Verdi's Overture, La forza del destino, Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto 1 and Dvořák's Symphony 9 (From the New World). The last, in particular, was brilliant. I'm still reeling.

Snow makes me happy

I'm really enjoying jitsu, although I've been coming home with minor bruises now and then. Training three times a week and getting a gi.

Anyway, since I've been given spare time this year, I intend to use my uni's library as much as I can. Also known as the British Library of Political and Economic Science, it's superb and supposedly the world's largest social science library. Weekends are the best times, since then it's quiet and (more) peaceful. Heck it's never peaceful on campus.

Things I've done since Michaelmas Term '09 began:

• Attended a lecture by Dr. Justin Yifu Lin, Chief Economist and Senior VP at the World Bank.
• Attended a McKinsey presentation.
• Had Lebanese food and walked out (after waiting 1.5 hours for it to begin) of debate finals at SOAS.
  
• Returned for the first time to the Brit Museum, ate fried hotdogs and onions on its steps and after much aimlessness we then spontaneously headed off to watch the Philharmonic perform with a percussionist and later, perform a Bruckner.
• Caught a one-man voice and anglo saxon harp portrayal of Beowulf and met up with Malaysian/Singaporean people.
• Caught Noam Chomsky giving a lecture on human rights in the 21st century.
• Saw the play Mother Courage and Her Children (amazing stuff) and learnt of Duke Special with the incredibly lovely voice.
• Missed Nik Nazmi at SOAS on Monday, but I hear he'll be speaking again on the 7th at King's.

And I think I might be going to Birmingham in two weeks for Atemi Nationals.

Just now on msn, I was stressing to a girlfriend about how I tend to be emotionally caught up in stressful things, even though the only thing to do is to move pass it. I know that, you see, but sometimes my emotions don't seem to, and it bugs me. I wish that sometimes, just sometimes, I could also be emotionally consistent.

Read.Write.Art.Sing.Save.Think.Be.Run.Clean.

I miss my violin! I really really do miss playing. I'd like to go diving soon; snow makes me happy. :)

Cynicism -

The word like a dagger pierces my thoughts, mutating their fuzzy lines, it spreads.

I wish I could turn back time.

Praise You In This Storm

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

- Casting Crowns

zEuS:

"Get lost and then get found."

I've said this before a long time ago in another blog but

It sucks when the people I look up to fall short. I know that not a single being besides God has claim to perfection, but it still makes me deeply sad. And I feel more alone.

Simply this

So far in, I can't feel the breeze.

I run, leap, walk, spin, curl up, fall flat. What if it's all not enough?

The future scares me nowadays. I used to be... But now I give way..to doubt, to fear...

I'd like to crash, crash into you. But when I do, all that is, is air.

My Room

My room turned out to be smaller than expected but the good breakfast and dinner they serve makes up for it.

Amazing, amazing pancakes*sigh*......my stomach is happy. =)

Sweetheart

I started painting my nails a soft, creamy shade of pale pink

It looks like water

pretty

my pearl necklace lies softly upon the book of

three hundred Tang poems

along with the silver ring
nearby

and my foundation brush dries itself silly

on the edge of a wooden table

I long to get back to Proust

and Kempis

But I should sleep or

bathe

*

The colour pink makes me think of cherry blossoms

and I remember autumn in Tokyo.

Alas! We've reached the end.

I'm surprised by how much I miss them.

Those busy people, tapping away incessantly, churning out quality news articles. I miss them, as it turns out, quite a lot.

In the short close encounter of a day, maybe two, I feel like I had gotten to know some of them. The good chats, the learning, the persons - accummulating into a pool somewhere deep inside me, resonating to...

Goodbyes never do well...never do justice to the real things forged. At times, it's so much easier not to say it. As if admitting that things HAVE ended, save for the last few hasty seconds of handshakes and cries of 'goodluck'.

I wonder what has become of me.

Ning, Ning...sometimes you think too much...and sometimes when you should, you just don't do what you think you should.

Cheer me up please.

Home. PJ.KL. 017-6155071

Uncontrollable shivers as I write. I can't explain why. Really.

So this is what it feels like to have an essay topic abstract dissected and torn to pieces by a much respected tutor - Utter Crapation.


On a wholly different note...

There are things that one cannot wait to tell the parents and allows it to fester in the mind, savouring the delight of exchanging that little bit of conversation with them. But, once face to face or phone to phone, one bites one's tongue and holds back mightily regardless. For to say those words out, to reveal what was fermenting...would be negligent, unfair, and uncool of us to them.

Words
you lie

you drain me

* * *

last night I dreamt
and in that dream was you
and you, you were hurt
hurt that I was I
And I, I'm still learning
learning to become someone better
better than I
I am nothing
nothing is empty
in that emptiness is I
I who am all hollowed out
but then why
why...
why did I feel?

I wake up
you linger
in the quiet of an empty room
I lie.

I hate that I can't see through myself the way I can others, I hate this crippled part of me.

I didn't like the last blog.
So I'm back.